Well since my last post, our family has been turned upside down. On Monday, May 12, my step-father Barney Bolt was placed in the hospital. He had been having some trouble with his heart and breathing. We never dreamed that he would never be coming home. For whatever reason, God choose to take him home. After, suffering through four code blues, Barney left this us and joined those in heaven.
I have never been through such an event before, watching my mother beg God to not take him from her, seeing her on the floor praying with all her heart and soul for her soul mate to remain here and get better. I do believe that as long as I live I will continue to ask God why? Why did he take him, why couldn't the doctors find out what is wrong, why do his children have to go through loosing another parent, and why after all these years and finally finding happiness, did he have to break my mother's heart? I know that we aren't meant to always understand Gods ways, that he doesn't give us more than we can handle, and that we will survive, but WHY? I trust God and his plan, I believe with all my heart in soul in him, but I also know what I saw, how I felt, and watching your mother on the floor of a hospital hallway begging for him to live, isn't something I can never understand and I don't know if I am meant to.
Some would ask if it has weakened my faith, the answer is no. My faith is strong, I have been blessed so much in the past few months that that feeling will never go away. I found Jeff, my soul mate, my brother and Jennifer are having another baby, and I saw my mom happier than she has been in years. I know all of that is the work of God but I think part of me will always ask him why?
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